Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. 2020 will be a year the world will never look back on with any joy. Britain was firstly hit with some terrible storms as the New Year began, with not snow but persistent rainfall causing widespread flooding across the country. People from Carlisle to Crickhowell were miserably using buckets and mops to clear away floodwater whilst hearing that a town in China was being infected with a flu-like illness that had been traced to the locals there eating bat wing soup. The illness, COVID-19 must have been far worse than the 18 before it!

In his speech on March 16, Boris Johnson urged everyone "to stop non-essential contact with others and to stop all unnecessary travel", adding: "We need people to start working from home where they possibly can. And you should avoid pubs, clubs, theatres and other such social venues." The official description for what's going on is social distancing.

The impact on normally bustling city centres and businesses was dramatic.

And it became even more startling when, on March 23, a lockdown was announced.

The Prime Minister told the nation: "From this evening I must give the British people a very simple instruction - you must stay at home.

"Because the critical thing we must do is stop the disease spreading between households.

As it is, my mother's mobility is very limited and, so it was, she became locked down.

I am a 59 year old twice married self-employed Insurance consultant. I have a business I cannot run from home so am spending the future in a locked office answering telephones and printing off documents and answering questions from an ever fearful population.

My 88 year old widowed mother simply refuses to leave her 4 bed roomed home although she is showing symptoms of dementia. She was never going to be able to spend the lockdown on her own so, after discussing the case with my wife Nichola, I volunteered to keep her company. For the next few weeks I decided to stay with my mam to make sure she was safe. My wife is working in the NHS (heroine) and also felt it safer if I stay with her.

So I packed my bags and returned to my childhood home, I left it aged 21 and returned at 59. I had no doubt mam would still treat me like a child but needs must.

Some things have altered; my former bedroom is now being used by my mam so I was relegated to one of the other three unused bedrooms. Purely out of nostalgia, the first night I crept across the landing to the guest bedroom just to see if the floor boards still creaked, it reminded me of nocturnal visits to a girlfriend on a sleep over. Yes the floor boards still creak!

Sample Chapters

To get things going I had a practical conversation with my mother about the pandemic only to discover it did not go as well as I had hoped. I ended the conversation by asking her if she could recognise the symptoms. She replied "Of course they are that cartoon family from Springfield!"

On the first night mam made sure she is was not letting me cook for her despite her age. She was determined to prove she can look after herself (her words). We became like two students sharing digs. "Where is your tin opener?" she asks as I reach for hers. I look at my watch and reply "well my guess is she's in her PJ's drinking wine and watching TV!"

I read an article on the BBC web site headed, "Can you date whilst social distancing?"

I asked the wife about it. She says if I do she will divorce me!

On the third night to break up the monotony I decided Mam and I would hold an Olympic themed evening, it was a disaster. With Mam being 88, I was quietly confident of victory but

I had forgotten how competitive she is.

The first (and last) event was the sprint, with a difference. This consisted of alternative goes on her stair lift against the clock, up a steep course. My first suggestion was a Le Mans start, though we both have dickey knees. A Le Man's start would have been ironic for mum as had I won it would have taken her 24 hours to climb the stairs!

The first two rounds ended all square. Mam suggested a "play off," round.

She went first and I was pleased to see she failed to improve on the time of her first two attempts. I was thus feeling confident as I began my final attempt. I made a steady start and then as I neared the finishing line, all went dark and the stair lift stopped with a shudder.

Mam unseen by me had sneaked into the kitchen and knocked the trip switch off! As soon as this crisis is over I'm claiming for whiplash! "Would you have been so mean to Thora Hird?"I asked.

On a serious note my mother in law stated that one of her colleagues that work in a charity shop is ill with the virus. As the shop is a charity shop and manned by good, honest people I sincerely hope the person is OK and pulls through this deadly virus. It is true that I spend the next week passing the shop concerned to see if it is now called Nineovus!

One of the things I feel we are all guilty of is having a nose around when we are a guest in someone's house. This morning as I was about to shower I was looking at the myriad of bottles and potions in the bathroom. Old people don't half hoard things. In the cupboard I was surprised to find the soap on a rope I had last used in 1981! I also came across a bottle of Alpecin shampoo. I found myself saying straight away, "German engineering for your hair." in that ridiculous voice they use on the advert.

I've never brought a single bottle of Alpecin over our doorstep. Intrigued I slapped it on my head and was about to start washing my hair. I put the bottle down though glanced at the small print that read, stimulates hair roots during washing ... I thought Nnnnnnnooooooooooo! Who needs their chuffing hair roots stimulated at a time like these with no barber open this side of Venus!

I had my first lecture from mam today. She was using her laptop this morning and claimed she had found porn all over it. The argument got heated. The best I could come up with was when I told her I had also used her fridge this morning and it should be called the Tardis as all the food is so out of date. She has now put a parental lock on the laptop which is a tad sad as I am 59!

The fun news today in Britain focused on a man and a woman (not related) who were sharing their 112th birthdays. The man became the world's oldest man and was forced to celebrate his special day in isolation. How many of his friends would have been at the party Would they have had the puff to blow up the balloons?

It made me think of a comment my mother made a few years ago when I told her we were moving to the seaside at Saundersfoot and wanted her to live with us in a granny flat. "No way!" was her answer. I asked for her reasons and I tried to point out the benefits of the move, to have her own independence and to still live alone but have company close by, or to continue to live alone in a four bed roomed house she cannot look after. "I am not moving I like to walk through Ebbw Vale and see people I was in school with." She was 87 when she said it. She could have held her school reunion in a telephone box!

I must have been making too much noise this morning as I was preparing for work. Mam was shouting from her bedroom "Keep the noise down its very early!" I felt like I was Howard Wolowitz being scolded by Mrs Debbie Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory! I half expected to bump into Sheldon Cooper as I walked into the lounge. It's still better mam has company though, these are very scary times. You may not have heard but an old woman was mugged only the other night and stabbed 120 times by an acupuncturist? Apparently though she felt great the next morning!

Mam and I reached a landmark today. She went back on her word and washed some shirts after swearing she would ever do it again. On a previous Saturday, I noticed that I had three numbers out on the lottery and had won a tenner. There then followed that desperate search when we cannot find the ticket. Eventually I remembered that it had been in my work shirt. The down side was it had been through the washing machine so the ticket was found but was not in good enough condition to warrant being able to claim a prize. I therefore framed the mangled ticket and had it on the counter in work with a note that said "This was a winning lottery ticket but my mother washed my shirt!" On seeing it she swore she'd never wash my clothes again until today, it's a funny old pandemic.

That was not mum's only wash day mistake of losing money. Dad had once gone for a pint straight from the office and was in possession on the day's takings. In time honoured merchant seaman fashion he had rolled his shirt sleeves up and hidden the takings in the folds of the shirt. Later mam put the shirt in the washing machine and mid wash noticed some bank notes in the water. Some were rescued and taken to the bank. The bank clerk recoiled and said with a grimace, "mice!" Mum "no they have all been through the washing machine and are cleanest notes you will handle today." May have been Ebbw's Vales first case of money laundering!

I'm trying to keep my mother company though it's difficult. The heating is so high in the lounge when I go in there I can't breathe. I can only do twenty minutes at a time. This morning I walked in there and I swear some Germans had put their towels over the couch! This has been the hottest week I can remember where I haven't sent postcards. I'm sure I'm getting a tan. I'm convinced half the tablets mam is on must be salt tablets. Last night she got up and told me she was going to boil some eggs. "Don't bother with the kitchen," I said "put them on this radiator!"

One burning question is should more of us wear face masks to prevent the spread of this awful disease? I went into my local bank yesterday wearing one and got an awful reaction, I should have put the rest of my clothes on.

The quiet road outside my mother's house is much busier than when I last lived there.

I must change bedrooms or learn to keep the curtains drawn.

For the second time in three days the same lady has caught me naked in the window as she was passing. I covered up quickly and opened the window this morning and shouted to her, "I'm so sorry it will not happen again, please don't report me." She replied "don't worry from what I've seen it would only be a matter for the small claims court!"

The only upside to this awful pandemic is that the community seems to be coming together and people who usually would not speak to you seem eager to converse.

I had gone to town to buy mam some bread this morning and was limping and swearing under my breath. An old woman was also limping coming towards me on the other side of the road. As we were opposite each other, she looked at me and pointed at her foot and said conspiratorially. "Arthritis had it ten years." I pointed at my foot and said "dog shit, two minutes ago!"